And i wonder if i ever crossed your mind....

So here i am.. looking at a pic of us... thinking of that night you came home... when we lay in each other's arms.. in perfect silence... it felt right... i felt complete... your breath on my neck... your weight on me felt wonderful... i couldn't have slept better than that night...

But...

That's all i'll get....
That's all i'll live with...
That feeling will be enough...
Don't wanna break your heart or mine...

And then i'll watch you grow, laugh, have a blast and i'll smile....
I'll grow, i'll laugh and i'll live and you'll be my homing beacon...

I'll never kiss you...
You'll never want to...

then you'll find her..
and i'll find him...

but...

every night i go to bed, i'll remember that one night, when you smelt divine, we were in each others arms, your weight on me and you breath against my neck...

I'll smile for no reason...
He'll ask me why?
And i'll say...
"There are moments of perfection in life, some grow into beautiful stories, others are so perfect that you're almost afraid to change them even a little bit, so you live them and you let them go... Many year later you still think of them and then wish you'd given them a chance and watched them grow... I don't intend to let fear decide for me anymore..."
And i'll kiss him with a tear in my eye as my soul speaks your name but i'm in his arms...

He is perfect but he's not you.

And she doesn't even know how lucky she is....

The music sways my senses, as your deep yet gentle voice cajoles the song in a unique tune...
Not to the song of course, as usual you reinvent the tune but nevertheless it never loses its soul...

Your musk scent putting me at ease as it cradles my senses...
As I lose myself in that moment of peace.
Feeling your presence next to me is more than enough.
Just knowing you're around makes me feel loved.

And then the reality strikes like a sharp blade slicing through my heart
The mirror of dreams shatters...

Each song to me is you.
a moment with you, a memory of you, a feeling you made me feel, a thought of you.
Every beat, every lyric, every tune leading up to you...

And then I wonder if you play them for me or in her memory...
Do i even exist in your vocabulary?

I dare not ask, for fear of losing even the little that i have
For even if it is a dream it is enough to keep me alive....

So fare thee well for the day...
I shall still wait for you in the cloak of the night under the bright moonlight
As the sandman brings me your portrait in my dreams...

Right Or Wrong?

Anger, is the first reaction…

But it is the hurt, the resentment and the pure revulsion that follows which is driving me nuts…

I want to be a good person…

I want to help, I want to do the right thing, but that’s just it isn’t it….

How do you know what the right thing is?

When do you draw a line between being selfish and being right?

When do you know the difference between taking the easy way out over taking the right way out?

When do go from being a helping hand to a hindering support?

Listen to your heart and you will know they say….

But what if the heart is just as confused as the head?

There are always opinions, religious, cultural, logical explanations on both sides of the argument.

It’s like saying the solider fighting against me is not a bad person, he’s just doing his job.

I have looked outside and I have looked within…

Maybe I’m not capable of looking deep enough to find the answer…

Taking things in stride as they crash over me like powerful waves of realization over and over again, that’s the only solution I have now…

But will I be too late until the answer comes to me?

Will my guilt and my revulsion have achieved their purpose?

Or will there always be hope for redemption?

We shall wait and watch as time tells it’s tale….

You

There is you and then there is you...

And i long for you, and i run from you...

And sometimes you seem perfect, and you always seem an unattainable dream...

And you will wait for me, and long for me, and i won't even cross your mind....

And you repent, and you are blind...

And you are aware, and you are oblivious...

And you are lonely, and you are never alone...

And you infuriate me, and only you can make me laugh...

And you are the bard, and you are gravity...

And then there is me...

And there is faith and hope and wishes and dreams...

And then there is you and then there is you...

One more night

And in a few hours the sun will rise and the night will recede to the shadows, and another day would have passed.

It's been a year, maybe a little longer and how we all have changed. I have seen 3 receptionists change at the front desk.

I have seen my friends and people I respected and hoped to learn from quit

I saw people leave before I ever got a chance to get to know them...

I saw surprise weddings happened and more wedding bells are on their way...

I saw a partner in crime moved on to bigger and better things...

I saw young-lings prove their mettle...

I got conceited, i realized, i was ashamed, i am back...

I saw my friend go from insane dwane to Munnabhai MBBS...

And I Saw YOU and I saw MYSELF

How the childlike spark has gotten buried deeper....

How a playful smiles have been replaced by just smiles of happiness and moments of peace...

How our big innocent eyes have grown mature and focused...

How those childish moments in our lives diminish...

How we've come closer, How we've grown apart...

The rift seems to only widen...

And soon another night will pass, and here i will be, as for you...

I shall watch the horizon, i shall rejoice the signs, i will believe, i will have faith, i will wish...

I will wait...

Will you? or will I?

And another night passes passes us by....

Give me strength for just one more night....

Just one more night to wish, to watch, to hope....