Despite, Because & Bitchface

A few days ago , i met you, i liked you and then the whole world assumed we were in love... those who knew me thought you were in love with me, those who knew you thought i was in love with you... those who knew us, well they knew the right thing to do was shut up.

Then you asked me; "Are you falling for me?"

And i said: "I don't know"

when what my cheeky flirty self honestly wanted to say was: "Would it be such a bad thing if i was?"

and follow with a stick my tongue out and giggle at my own jokes routine (yes! I'm aware i do that, and did you and the devil think you were the first two geniuses who caught that *insert raised eyebrow*)

But that got me thinking and i defined it in multiple ways. We even spoke about it, i spoke of it to my friends, got perspectives and got confused until you defined it in a simple sentence:

"What makes you want to stay in a relationship?"

And that was all it took... 

In that instant Clarity happened.

I thought about it for a while and believe me when i say a while, the stupid thing was constantly playing on my mind.

I even came to a point where i thought that maybe i was incapable of love. That i was a stone cold bitch who just liked people but found nothing good enough to tie me down. 

It was in that moment of indifference that the answer hit me, and boy did it hurt . 

The answer i'll come to, but first: the reason why it hurt: I was so lost in though that i wasn't looking where i was going and i rammed face first into the door without opening it. (which could also be attributed to my recent exhaustion at your fan-club presidents birthday celebrations, but it sounds cooler making me look pensive like a Socrates wannabe *insert giggle at my own joke*)

Okay here's the answer *insert drum-roll* 

The great awakening as i like to call it was this:

I was looking for reasons to tie me down, in my thoughts it was always a 

"I would stay back/ I love someone because _____"

but when it comes to someone loving me or falling for me the thought in my head goes:

"i want them to love me despite ________"

And that my dear is the answer...

I will have fallen for you when i want to be with you despite _____________________ 

thank you for helping me get here on my personal journey.

But no i don't love you. Not yet at least. 

There are far too many "beacuses" and just one "despite" which is the fact that you are a bitchface. *insert narrowing eyes with a giggle waiting to happen*

When the despites exceed the beacauses i will come to you and tell you that i have fallen for you.

Until then i look forward to our "relationship" if you will have it the way it is.